I realized at the age of 62 that I was a people pleaser. I would switch around my schedule to help someone else out. In my younger years, I could catch my schedule up but as I got older my schedule suffered. That is why you retire.
When you retire you are:
1. You are slower.
2. You are tired.
3. You need time for yourself.
My sister pointed this out to me, and it stung like a bee at first but then the wound healed. I understood that I was a people pleaser.
My sister would help me catch up on my schedule some, then she would start saying “NO”. That is when she told me I was a people pleaser.
My sister never arranges her schedule for someone unless they are sick. I thought some of her ways were hard but now they are very understandable. People will lie and use you.
People should be helping you in this time of your age. When you get backed up, they should offer you 1 hour here and there but these days very few people do. People would move in with me and just make things worse. I have paid people to help but that did not work out either. They never did what I paid them to do.
When I went on vacation, I paid my sister for a deep cleaning. I knew she would go way beyond what I had paid her to do. The place looked fabulous. She said if I ever let someone move in again, she would never help. All the people I hired or let live with me say they would help me get straightened out but did not. Only my granddaughter helped but not everything I needed. It was a great start in helping me with other things like organization. I just had to say no to another family member about moving in with me. It hurts but I have to look after myself now.
Here are some things that will let you know if you are a people pleaser.
Not learning to say “No” and regretting it later on.
Always thinking you need approval from people. Cannot stand rejection.
Putting others before yourself.
Doing things to avoid conflict.
Constantly apologizing for things even if it is not your fault.
Fear of disappointing others.
Going along with the crowd even if it goes against your values.
You are always trying to make others feel better when they are going through hard time. Taking responsibility for their emotions.
You struggle with boundaries like letting people move in or borrow money constantly. This one is a big one.
Getting overwhelmed by others’ problems when they cause them themselves.
You always suppress your true feelings which leads to bitterness and depression.
Let other people make all the decisions in the group to keep peace.
Taking on too many responsibilities and getting overwhelmed with anxiety and depression.
Having difficulty making important decisions especially when it may cause conflict.
You feel guilty when taking a self-care day seeing it as selfish.
You desire to be liked by everyone although you know that this is impossible.
You mirror others behavior that you admire but that doesn’t always work.
You struggle to identify what your desires are.
You stress and burnout easy.
You find it difficult to assert your needs.
I found this list from: lizziemoult.com
Are you a people pleaser? Can you improve on life’s cycles?
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Yes, it does hurt especially in your own family. Thanks for reading.
The stages of retirement, as you've aptly outlined, bring forth new challenges and priorities. It's essential to prioritize self-care, recognizing that being a people pleaser can often lead to neglecting one's own needs.